As im sitting here trying to find the words to write, I cannot help but to cry. I just reread my post last year that I posted around the new year I have to say... I don't think I can top that one. Im crying ah!! Im so so thankful for everyone who has come into my life in 2015. The good and the bad. From every single person, I have continued to learn and grow. I cannot begin to thank all of my amazing friends and family members who have always been there for me since day one. I have to say, 2015 was definitely a crazy crazy year for me. There were so many ups and downs and even though at times I felt so unfortunate to have to experience them, I'm fortunate I did. For the majority of the year I didn't have any complications with my disease which was the goal, Right?!? I attended a camp for kids with Crohns and colitis that absolutely changed my life forever. I met amazing co counselors, staff, and campers that have left so many unforgettable memories and influences in my life. I continue to fight this battle of IBD for them because they all deserve a cure and an answer. I have to say, in all of 2015, I felt the absolute happiest and most joy there, surrounded by people who completely understand me and can relate to my situations. It's truly an amazing feeling to have someone who just gets it. I will always help and dedicate my life to IBD. It's my calling. It's who I am. It's my life!
In school, I have one more year left! One more year until I will graduate with a bachelors degree and be able to take the NCLEX to become a certified nurse. How crazy is that?! One year. That's it. I love North Park University for preparing me for my future career and something that I value so much. This past semester I spent my time at Lutheran General Hospital and Evanston Hospital fulfilling my clinical rotation requirements in Pediatrics and OB/GYN. Both of these hospitals have helped me grow as a person and in my future nursing career. Even though I still cannot say which type of nursing I want to go into yet, I will say... I LOVED OB AT EVANSTON!!! It has been my favorite so far and I cannot wait to see what my future holds.
IBD though...
So it's actually weirdly been pretty good. I've heard terrible horror stories about the first year with having a JPouch, but I have to say I don't think I've really had any problems... It depends on what I eat throughout the day but usually I use the bathroom between 4-7 times a day. That's my normal, which I am okay with. When it becomes on the higher side I do get a little salty and I'm like "okay seriously do you really have to go AGAIN?! ". But I love my Jpouch. I love my scar I love my surgeries I had and I love everyone who helped me get to where I am. I'm working on gaining my abdominal muscles again because I compleyely lost them with my disease. At times, I randomly will get an extremely painful stinging pain in my area of my scar for a few seconds but then it goes away. That's normal as well too. Sometimes when I drink I'll take Imodium (antidiarrheal) to slow down my motility but I usually forget to (hah!)
I have a few goals for the upcoming year and I hope when I look back in one year from now I will have accomplished them. First off, in exactly one year from now I picture myself getting my diploma and graduating from NPU! Another big thing I want to do is to compete in races. My ultimate goal is to be able to run a half marathon because its something I never thought I could do. I really wanted to to do Team Challenge (IBD race) in New Orleans in Feb but I have realized it is not realistic for me at this time. Next year though I PROMISE I will be running one of the Team Challenge half marathons. I will also remember to do things for myself. It's important to do things that make yourself happy. In June, I will be moving apartments to a new location in Chicago and I hope that is somewhere I will live for a few years while I'm working downtown at a hospital. I think it's important for me to reach out and find things that truly make me happy and to eliminate the toxic substances in my life. My mother is my role model. She is always so positive and upbeat and I know I am like her. My depression and anxiety gets to me at times and causes me to change. I am striving to change to be my mom. To be a positive and genuinely happy person. To be someone who lives and loves to the fullest.
2015, you've been a blessing and a curse. I've hated you but have had times I am so thankful for you. I have grown more and more. My amazing JPouch was used for the first time on March 6, 2015... Sooo lookout baby you know I'm gonna have a party for you! I have lost and found myself this year. I didn't think it was possible, but I know it has been such an amazing way to show me who is extremely important to me. My friends. My family. My fellow IBDers, my nursing students. My patients. All of you have made such an incredible impact in my life. And I thank you. I am who I am because of you guys. With tears running down my face, I thank you all.
Once again, CHEERS TO HEALTH AND HAPPINESS.
-- JKL
